{"id":649,"date":"2019-03-13T15:15:15","date_gmt":"2019-03-13T15:15:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hoa.heartofadoptions.com\/?p=649"},"modified":"2024-03-04T14:13:16","modified_gmt":"2024-03-04T19:13:16","slug":"the-chaos-in-my-head-also-known-as-the-matching-process","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/heartofadoptions.com\/the-chaos-in-my-head-also-known-as-the-matching-process\/","title":{"rendered":"The Chaos In My Head Also Known As The Matching Process"},"content":{"rendered":"
OK- I admit the title here is a wee bit dramatic- but to be honest my life has been a wee bit chaotic the last few months and I think it\u2019s a good fit for how I am feeling- plus it probably grabbed your attention (so let\u2019s hope I can keep it now- because this is a long one!!)<\/p>\n
The last time I shared the chaos in my life, I gave you a \u201cday in the life\u201d rundown of my job duties. I got amazing support and feedback along with a ton of funny comments about how people were tired just from reading what I do in a normal day; and while most days are like what I described in that blog post there are some days where I actually have time to breathe too! {though not too deep and not for too long— no meditation time here}<\/p>\n
The last few months have been no exception to the crazy, busy, bedlam we are accustomed to around the agency- December brought 17 placements, January brought 14 more and to be honest, I don\u2019t even know how many happened in February yet (I think 12??) as it has just been that busy!<\/p>\n
As I reflect on the last few busy months, I think about all the expectant birth parents we worked with that wanted to see profiles of hopeful waiting adoptive families. Seeing as, on average, I show 3-5 profiles of available families to each birth mother \u2013 (sometimes more, sometimes less, and sometimes none if it came in as a matched case) then that is a lot of profiles being pulled and getting exposure!<\/p>\n
Pulling all these profiles got me thinking about the matching selection, and I wanted to delve in a bit deeper. Hopefully, this will give both expectant birth parents and hopeful waiting adoptive parents a glimpse at the process and all that goes into deciding which profiles are shown.<\/p>\n
Once we know what she wants we narrow down the waiting families that meet her comfort levels.<\/p>\n
Exception:<\/p>\n
Sometimes we don\u2019t have families that meet what a birth mother is requesting. Other times we don\u2019t have hopeful waiting adoptive families that are open to the birth mother\u2019s situation. \u00a0In times like these, we will first speak with waiting families and see if they want to be considered anyway though they never have to say yes.\u00a0 After that step, we will network with other agencies or consultants to get profiles for the expectant birth mother to view.<\/p>\n
Our goal is to get a profile to a birth mother that she connects with, feels comfortable and confident in her decision about selecting, and ultimately having a sense of peace and confidence in her selection.<\/p>\n
While getting profiles shown is obviously key to getting exposure and therefore resulting in a match and ultimately placement, there are many things to consider when deciding on comfort levels for both the expectant birth parent as well as the hopeful waiting adoptive families. Things to consider include resources for the future you may need, your own abilities such as work demands, personality, knowledge of needs of the child, and even desire. These are just a few but definitely important factors to consider.<\/p>\n
The second part of the selection\/match process is a birth mother connecting with what she sees in a profile and wanting to proceed with that hopeful waiting adoptive family.<\/p>\n
One of the questions I get asked the most by hopeful waiting adoptive families is, \u201cWhat it is the expectant birth mother liked about our profile?\u201d or \u201cWhat feedback did she give regarding disliking\/not selecting our profile?\u201d \u00a0I am very honest with hopeful waiting adoptive families and tell them that expectant birth mothers, at least in my personal experience, either really love a profile and can name all of the reasons they connected or they really don\u2019t like any of the profiles they viewed and therefore want more but they typically can\u2019t name a specific \u201cthing\u201d they didn\u2019t like about a specific profile.<\/p>\n
So how does this help hopeful waiting adoptive families when creating a profile?? There are specific things we have found that expectant birth parents want to know when in the selection process and they are as follows:<\/p>\n
Be honest here as this is where your personality comes through most often. Do you have a dry sense of humor? How about a sarcastic one? Easygoing and laid back or the Type A that plans everything for the family? {don\u2019t be shy here- every family needs a planner! I speak from personal experience}<\/p>\n
Remember, you don\u2019t have to live in a McMansion- as many expectant birth parents don\u2019t see this as reality- but they do want to see where you spend time such as around the kitchen or snuggled on the couch.<\/p>\n
Important things to remember as you are on the journey of adoption.<\/p>\n
Have faith in the process and keep an open line of communication with your agency connection, i.e. adoptive parent coordinator, home study coordinator, or any other caseworker you have a connection with.<\/p>\n
Discuss comfort levels and trends the agency is seeing when you can. Remember to do research and connect with pediatricians to stay up to date on recent developments regarding medical issues. Consider reaching out, if possible, to other adoptive families to build your support network.<\/p>\n
I am sure the upcoming months will be much the same mayhem that the last few months have been- and to be honest, I love the fast paced, often chaotic world of private adoption and wouldn\u2019t change what I do for anything.\u00a0 While there is definite heartache throughout the process there is also joy and getting to have a front row seat to watch a family grow through adoption and often times even playing a part on this crazy, beautiful team is the best thing in the world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
OK- I admit the title here is a wee bit dramatic- but to be honest my life has been a wee bit chaotic the last few months and I think it\u2019s a good fit for how I am feeling- plus it probably grabbed your attention (so let\u2019s hope I can keep it now- because this is a long one!!)<\/p>\n
The last time I shared the chaos in my life, I gave you a \u201cday in the life\u201d rundown of my job duties. I got amazing support and feedback along with a ton of funny comments about how people were tired just from reading what I do in a normal day<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":650,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[11,14,12,13],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n