Adoption language has evolved significantly over the years, reflecting changing societal attitudes toward adoption and the individuals involved. Initially, language surrounding adoption often stigmatized the experience, focusing on notions of loss and abandonment. Terms like “unwanted child” and “illegitimate” were common, perpetuating negative stereotypes. Over time, advocates for adoptive families, birth families, and those who have been adopted have worked to create a more positive and inclusive lexicon.  

Today, the emphasis is on celebrating the unique journeys of adoptees and their families. Positive adoption language encourages a narrative that uplifts and respects all parties involved, aiming to instill pride rather than shame. This change is crucial for fostering understanding and acceptance within communities. 

Words and Phrases to Avoid and What to Use Instead

1. Real parents- This term implies that adoptive parents are somehow less “real” than birth parents. Instead, use Birth parents to refer to the biological parents. Going a bit deeper- which is appropriate: Birth Parent or Expectant Parent? During pregnancy, a woman should be referred to as an expectant parent, and after she delivers and if/when she has chosen to create an adoption plan, it is appropriate to refer to her as a birth parent or biological parent.  

2. Adoptive family– This term recognizes the loving and supportive parents that will parent the child.  

3. Illegitimate- An outdated term that carries a stigma, suggesting that a child is somehow less valuable.  

4. Unwanted child- This phrase is hurtful and does not reflect the reality of adoption, where a pregnancy may have been unplanned, but the child is wanted.   

5. Give up for adoption/Put baby up for adoption/Adopted out- These phrases can imply loss or abandonment; instead, “placed for adoption” or “created an adoption plan” is more appropriate.  

6. Is adopted- Instead use “was adopted”- although not always negative, this term can place emphasis on the child’s identity; instead make the adoption an event rather than labeling the child for life. 

7. Kept her baby- Instead use “Chose to parent her child”  

8. Failed Adoption- When an expectant mother chooses to parent rather than continue with the adoption plan no one fails. “Match fall through” is a better choice as the prospective adoptive family can continue their adoption journey and no one has failed.  

Positive Adoption Language

Utilizing positive adoption language is vital for fostering a supportive environment for adoptees. This involves embracing language that validates the diverse experiences of adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents. Adopting a vocabulary that conveys love, choice, and belonging helps in dismantling stereotypes and promoting understanding. By consciously choosing our words in discussions about adoption, we contribute to a culture that values and respects everyone involved in the adoption process. We must be willing to learn from the past and make changes as needed. Together, through education and awareness, we can help shape a future where the language of adoption reflects its beauty and significance.